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Why Wee Eck swots up on his homework
Magnus Linklater
Holyrood Sketch: The Times
Filed 10 Oct 09
©Magnus Linklater
This article was originally published in The Times on 9th Oct 2009.
It is reproduced here with the kind permission of its author and of the newspaper.
It would be good if we could listen in not just to parliamentary questions at Holyrood but to the opposition briefing sessions that precede them. It would add greatly to the sum of human knowledge, not to say enjoyment. We would learn which lines of attack were discarded and why others were thought worthy of pursuit.
You can imagine the scene: “Shall we go in on small class sizes again?” “Oh no, please, you know what he’ll say about that — working towards the target, figures coming down, a lot achieved, better than you lot ever did. We’re getting nowhere with that.”
“OK, let’s do the Futures Trust again, that’s always good for a pop.” “Yes, but honestly, does anyone care?”
“Mmm, good point — OK let’s hit him with something he’s not expecting, like: does he agree that ministers’ salaries should be frozen? It’s topical, he’ll have to answer, and, if he doesn’t, we can always hit him with not paying council tax on Bute House.”
“Great stuff, and here’s a good line: ‘I know Alex Salmond told voters he would abolish council tax. Is he doing it one person at a time, starting with himself?’ ” “Oh yes, that’ll bring the house down.”
What they don’t see of course is the great man’s team is equally hard at work trying to out-guess them. When Mr Salmond strides into the chamber, he is clutching a briefing book replete with rebuttals and heavy research.
Thus, when Iain Gray duly came out with the question about ministerial salaries, Mr Salmond, accompanied by expressions of mock disdain, was able to point out that pay had been frozen. “We did not wait for Iain Gray’s advice, we did it already.”
OK then, but what about the council tax on Bute House? Well, the First Minister had discovered that, were council tax to be levied, the house would have to be reclassified as a private residence, sub-divided, with new legislation brought in, and in future no business could be conducted there, “which would have been a bit of a problem for Cabinet meetings”.
Instead, he had decided to pay business rates to Edinburgh Council of £22,601 — some ten times the amount that would have been paid in council tax. After that, Mr Gray’s joke about abolishing council tax one person at a time fell a bit flat.
But if Mr Gray found himself out-researched, it was as nothing to the brick wall that Richard Baker, Labour MSP for North East Scotland, ran into when he charged the SNP government with failing to tackle drugs misuse. He quoted figures showing the extent of the government’s ineffectiveness.
At which, all Mr Salmond had to do was point out that Mr Baker was quoting figures from 2006 when a Labour Government was in charge. Lord, how we laughed.
And if that was not enough, along came another Baker — Claire — the eager member for Mid Scotland Fife, who wanted to find out what the government was doing to support students from low-income backgrounds. She quoted some statistics she had read in The Herald which suggested that almost 20,000 students were still waiting for their bursary support.
Mr Salmond looked like a man standing in front of a fruit machine who has seen three cherries rolling up in front of him. “Not only have [the figures] been fully investigated,” he chortled, “but they’ve been corrected by the newspaper which published a correction yesterday pointing out the reports were without foundation.
“I do think Claire Baker should find out the facts before she comes sallying in the chamber with questions.”
Oh dear, back to the drawing board. Or rather, back to the briefing room. There’s always next session.
©Magnus Linklater
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